Am I the only person out there who is getting a bit fed up of my team conceding goals directly from free kicks? You know the kind I mean, the ones where the keeper dives across his goal in vain as the ball flies into the top corner, or even worse, the ones where the keeper seems rooted to the spot like an abandoned scarecrow and the scorer hasn’t really had to do anything particularly clever to hit the back of the net. Please, Kasper, don’t take this personally.
What I am going to suggest has, I’m sure, been done before, but seems to have almost gone out of fashion. What I would like to see is a defender dropping back onto the goal line, so that the keeper can more easily cover three-quarters of the goal, and the defender can block or jump and head away anything coming in his direction. Ok but, I hear you say, you are playing all the attackers onside.
Point taken, but here comes the clever bit.
Nowadays, refs have a new sequence of events for staged free kicks near the box (comments on how long this process takes is for another day). This involves spraying their shaving cream on the ground and other idiosyncrasies. At some point in this process, agreed on the training ground, the defender drops back, and if timed cleverly, the referee will insist the attacker takes the kick and not allow them another 30 seconds to work out what they should do now that you have foiled plan A. (you can even tell the ref before the match what you are planning to do). If the taker still thinks he can score with an extra man on the line, then good luck to him, but I think even Lionel Messi would think twice.
So, I am arguing that the attackers are much less likely to score because they will not try to score direct, nor will they have rehearsed a plan B for being onside. There you go, goal intact, extra point gained, relegation avoided! Surely, again I hear you say, your tactic will be sussed out immediately and next match your opponents will have a plan B. In reply, I would remind you that it can take collective coaching wisdom a whole season to understand and combat new tactics, during which time you could even win the Premier League, ha ha…
Can I at this point state categorically that I am not or never have been Terry Venables, but if you think I could be worthy of an honorary coaching badge please start the obligatory online petition.